Hiding Out

Secret thoughts: It's quite possible that I'm pregnant or on my way. If the sperm are doing their jobs and my egg is hanging out where I think it is, the likelihood is there. I bought prenatal vitamins at Walgreens and Tylenol to kill the pain instead of Advil. I feel some tenderness in my right breast and I'm crampy, like I'll be getting my period soon. But that's 2 weeks away. I'm hyper-aware of everything my body does. And rats: I forgot to buy earplugs. The neighbors are being really loud and tonight I NEED my sleep.

Are my ankles swollen? Am I going to survive the two week wait (2ww)? Note to self: NOT doing pregnancy message boards again. What is WRONG with those people and their nauseating banners and countdowns? They're filled with women who call each other "bitches" and "ho's" and joke about sending each other porn, and most of them are living with their parents and got pregnant by accident. Not that I don't love some joking about porn.

The above was transcribed from an actual journal - the old school paper kind. I can't stand it anymore. I know I'll never keep up, but I want to record these thoughts for the future so that "Baby Number 2" will have a story just like Big Boy Number 1 did. Actually, since I know so much more and blogging is such a great exercise of my mind, "BN2" will have a more developed story. Kind of like how my parents lost my baby pictures but they have baby pix of my younger brother and sister.

I can't tell anybody this stuff yet, not even my husband. I am actively TTC (trying to conceive), but it's only been a month and a half, so I feel like my ravings would be taken as lunacy. Not so here, in blog world. Ah, home.